i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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