the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
