woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
