oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
