shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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