there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and i looked up. we had an audience...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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