woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
