So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
