today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
