dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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