sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
