hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
babies were throwing up all over the place
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He has the fingertips of a God
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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