Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
