I can't watch pbs sober anymore
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
