Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
