If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have already put on my inside pants.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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