I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
