wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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