ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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