just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
