I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
