how can u be prego again
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
