I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
