so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
