i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
