my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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