Christians are straight up FREAKS
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm really busy with my period
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
