More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
