he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she smelled like a LAN party
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
