Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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