The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
