i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
