Umm I'm too high to move.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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