A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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