You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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