My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
