Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
