He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
