so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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