Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
