What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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