I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
