my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
