I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
what is it with giant penises always finding me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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