Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
