dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
