you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
