I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
