My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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