I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
