They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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