i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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