I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
