so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
