I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
