Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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